One of the biggest barriers we hear from couples to investing in their relationship is “I don’t have time. We just don’t have the time.” There’s always something more pressing that is taking the focus of attention, and don’t get me wrong these other things are often very valid too – work commitments, children, family etc. So the relationship, the vehicle that carries the individuals in the family unit, chugs along, often without the TLC that would turn it from a functioning entity into a thriving one.
I wrote this months blog purposely for time poor couples (which is most of us!). Firstly to share the rewards of investing in your relationship and secondly to provide some practical tips on ways you can create the necessary space to attend to your relationship and do a program like Couplet.
The number one benefit of investing in your relationship is it’s a short term ‘loss’ (time) for a long term gain! The reality is (and we hear this again and again from our couples), that spending some structured time talking, planning and most importantly dreaming with your partner frees up a huge amount of energy and head space, that had previously been caught up ruminating about the mundane aspects of daily life. Suddenly, emptying the dishwasher, or the daily commute, is tied to a greater purpose, it’s all part of a much bigger life plan. When we are busy, running on the ‘hamster wheel’, nose to the grind, it can become hard to see the wood for the trees and life can lose some meaning and fun!
In terms of the practicalities of undertaking development for your relationship, we have purposely designed this program to be flexible. It can be picked up, put down and revisited many times over, at a pace convenient for you. It’s a course that will support you throughout your journey together and life stages. Whatever stage you are at in your relationship, the Couplet Program can deliver the freshness, depth and support required to nurture your relationship. There’s a continuity to the process.
I also wanted to share some learnings and practical tips we have gained from feedback over the years from our couples who have completed the program.
Couples who have gained the fullest benefit from the program tell us that they set aside a weekend to work through each of the 5 sections. This method gives a clear beginning and end to your work and provides you with rich reference material for your future guidance and planning. We have had lots of feedback over the years from couples who have done the program in one go, and been amazed how they have stayed on track in fulfilling their dreams together.
However, if setting aside a whole weekend is really not possible, another alternative is to plan in your calendar when to commit to each section across the year, and to get quite creative in doing so – for example, an early start ahead of the children, a 7.30pm dinner at home as you discuss and work. Some clients have even approached the program as separate stages, for example, solely sitting with the first exercise ‘sharing your biographies’ over a period of time, and have told us that they found doing just section 1 extremely valuable. In taking this approach, do be aware that each section builds on what you have discovered in the previous section, so it is advisable never to ‘jump’ sections.
A third alternative is just to do sections of the program when the opportunity arises. But remember, life is busy, and it is all too easy to get distracted. Being distracted, side-tracked, putting this off or feeling directionless are the very thing we are attempting to combat in this program! It is there to help put you in charge of your life plans, dreams and goals and empower you to do this together with your partner.
In summary, there is no ‘right way’ to complete the Couplet program – this is a platform which is designed to support you and your partner in your own process.
If you are interested in doing the Couplet Program and would like more advice on how to approach the course, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@couplet.co